Dear Stress, Let’s Breakup



Fa-la-la-la-la, she thought. And she thought it loudly, so that it drowned out the ranting of her Uncle Phil, who “wasn’t racist because he hated everyone.”   (from Kelly Braffet’s latest novel is “Save Yourself”)


Does  part of you feel threatened to give up on control?  Countless concerns, disagreements, issues (problems) & aggravations dissolve when we give up trying to maintain command.  The power of choice, and by God, the ease that replace it are both surprising and relieving.

Counter-intuitive isn’t it?  We think if we don’t guide and assist certain situations, this or that outcome “might happen”.  Maybe so, but for the others involved perhaps that is exactly what needs to happen for them.  And in the meantime, you get to breathe.  Really breathe.  That is, if you really released & just allowed.

Some folks have very recently spent a good deal of time with large groups of people & for many that is family for the holiday.  As we know, this likely stretched us a bit (or more!) beyond our comfort zone(s).  Did you notice the role personal control as well as attempts to control others played?  In what scenarios were others attempting to control you?  How effective were you at letting the people around you do their own thing?  It’s interesting to notice how often in those moments there is a shift from controlling another into an exercise in controlling ourselves.

Think of how the time spent together would be different if everyone could stop this behavior.  How would that feel?

As much as we are able to have real charge over the actions of our Loved ones, friends or strangers, how often does it actually feel like the right thing to do?  Well, there’s our kids.  Sure this feels right, feels fine.  But, what about a closer look at the necessary frequency?

Also the arenas of leadership, management and supervision matter greatly.  Yet, taking a step back to look at specific activities in relation to the amount of exerted control over another is quite revealing.  Even sometimes an unneeded habit has formed and can then be realized.  From toddlers to the elderly, everyone is empowered by making their own choices free of outside instruction.  And from that, more people benefit.  As mentioned, the one “in charge” has more energy to use elsewhere.  Plus, the empowered person grows faster.  This is alignment with who they truly are vs. who another is attempting to shape them to be.  Relinquishing control on a more consistent basis creates harmony and in that, cooperation thrives.


Letting go & trusting life (& others) feels empowering, feels like faith and feels like freedom.  While we want to see things turn out the way we envision, how more exciting and pleasantly surprising life unfolds for you when you let it.  You are important and your input matters even without trying to dictate details of the outcome.  Expend your energy on your unique contribution.  Your example will go a long way & also be reflected back to you.

Another holiday is coming soon.   Enjoy it with your acceptance and presence.

Gift yourself.


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